“But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.”
James 1:14 (ESV)
There are some red flags that signal unhealthy competition in our marriages. These signs go against God’s plan of partnership in Genesis 2:18, when He declared, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (ESV). God’s plan dictates that we should be helping each other and not competing against ourselves as siblings in Christ.
Here are some additional signs for us to beware:
- Keeping score: You and your spouse keep score on everything, from who made more money last year to who ran the kids to lessons or games the most times last month.
- Belittling: You notice that your spouse is not happy for you when you accomplish something. In fact, your spouse may belittle your successes, acting like they are not a big deal.
- Guilt trip: Your spouse may make you feel guilty about working extra hours or putting what he or she believes to be too much time into your career. Usually because of envy or resentment.
- Sabotage: Another competitive sign is when you and your spouse begin to sabotage each other, doing things to prevent each other from being successful. For example, one of you may not be available to care for the children or at home so that the other can pursue extra studies or work late on a project.
- No compromise: Instead of trying to reach a compromise when in the midst of a disagreement, you and your spouse fight to win.
- Domineering: You or your spouse make an effort to dominate or control the other.
James 1:14 cautions that we are tempted when lured by our own desires!
Are we desiring to win, succeed, overpower, control, and be the single voice of reason or solution in our marriage? Didn’t God give a joint instruction for Adam and Eve (Genesis 1:28) to produce, multiply, and influence (subdue) so that the marriage would dominate as a Kingdom blueprint for the world to see? This is a part of our calling and ministry of evangelism in marriages. As such, we must stop sibling rivalry! There is much Kingdom work to be done.
Read: Galatians 5:13; Hebrews 10:24
Bible Reading Guide: Psalm 130; James 5; Ezekiel 40
